i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
