My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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