The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
