I bet he comes in French.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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