I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
this is an emotional support booty call
Randomize
