are you still at the devil's house?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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