ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
