I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
