She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
