i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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