That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
