the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
