I CAN MOONWALK!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
