I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
