haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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