they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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