Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
