Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
