i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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