Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
