You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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