I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
