he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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