Too much gin, very little bucket
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
