Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
