hotel room ftw
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
