Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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