I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
