I feel like I'm in dance class right now
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
is wine microwaveable?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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