Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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