Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
