The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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