I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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