i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
