We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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