and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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