woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
