My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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