I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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