do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
