I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
