you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
