I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
