She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
