I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
