why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
