I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
