I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
