my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I think i got beer on your cat.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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