Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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