margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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