Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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