Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
3 2 1 whiskey
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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