Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
