I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
