if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
